circus of friends

i really really hate being in the same circle of friends as CS because it means that an just about every social occasion or event HE rocks up...with his new girlfriend, ie the office floozy, in tow! and i really don't mind the fact that they're dating - i think it is all rather amusing really when he all of a sudden becomes affectionate towards her when capboy arrives, but it still grates my cheese to see HIM and HER.

take last night for example. a friend organised drinks and i caught a lift with him and we were the first to arrive...as per usual. anyways, he goes to draw money and i find us a large table, order myself a castle and then sit patiently for his to come back. he comes back, but with CS and floozy behind him. great. now its just me, CS, her and my friend. i smile brightly and welcome them and say how its so nice to see them while inside i am laughing to myself because, and i don't mean to be nasty, but she really is nothing to look at. i tell them how i'm halfway through my thesis, i tell CS about my cat who is very sick and then that was about it. i am now drumming my nails waiting even more patiently for capboy to arrive.

he walks through the door, and he is looking as hot as ever, CS turns to see who i am smiling so lovingly at and then he turns back to look at me and i ignore him while my eyes trail up and down CS's body as he walks towards me. apparently CS was throwing daggers in capboy's direction the minute he walked in the venue....ha ha ha ha! so petty!

capboy sits down next to me, gives me a kiss hello and then, i was very impressed, makes an effort with everyone he meets while his hand is on my leg. CS sees this and all of a sudden him and floozy went from looking as if they didn't know each other to a married couple. myself and a few of my other friends had to stifle a grin and a giggle!!

but i must say, office floozy while not being very attractive seems to be very sweet, shy but sweet. and i suppose i can be intimidating to a normal person - here she is trying to impress my (and i suppose CS) friends even though i'm sure she knows that most of them know what she did to me last year with CS and then being used by CS this year. i would not like to be in her shoes, purely because i couldn't handle people saying things about me behind my back and knowing that what they say is true...

so all in all, i'm feeling pretty good about myself and my life right now!

revenge is so sweet especially when its unplanned

the question is: where to begin....

the reason i have been so quiet is because i've been studying for a silly test which i wrote today and i think i didn't do too badly...but now i'm back and only have to concentrate on my thesis which i fear is going to be too short but at this point, i really just don't care!

ah, now the fun stuff!!!

i managed to fit into my formal dress last friday for my hockey formal so perhaps i didn't need to lose those silly 5kgs! yes! go me! and if i don't mind saying - i looked damn hot! trust me, the reaction i got from CS was priceless and the reaction i got from his office floozy (yes, you remember her - the girl he pretty much chose over me) was even better.

friday night was amazing....AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! i won all the awards for the girl's team so office floozy must have felt like a right tosser seeing me go up to the mic every other minute to receive an award...mooha ha ha (evil laugh). capboy was the most lovely date any girl could ask for and he looked so hot i had a hard time controlling myself!!

a long time ago i wrote that CS had downgraded when he chose office floozy over me - my god, i didn't realise how much he had downgraded. i am not a bitch but even i couldn't help not gagging when i saw her...all my friends at the formal could not stop coming up to me and laughing about CS's girlfriend and to make it better, they could not stop going on about how hot capboy is. mmmm, i think if this was a competition i've won by about a million points.

CS is a coward. he did not introduce me to office floozy. when i was fully intoxicated and felt like i could take on the world i approached them and told him he was very rude for not introducing us. which he then promptly did. i was my sweet self, shook her had and said "its SO good to me you...finally" and i told her she looked nice and then i went off for a smoke. but the thing is, she is so nondescript and so plain that i have a hard time remembering what she looks like. granted i was very boozed but still her face eludes me but i remember thinking to myself at some point in the evening that "i am way hotter!". ha ha!

two days later CS arrives at my door to drop my book off. he then tells me he's pissed off with me and the SMS i sent him after he met capboy and ran out the door. he met capboy on the sunday before the formal - very impromptu but they met and i introduced them. CS then left and SMSed me saying he wasn't expecting to see that. so i SMSed him back saying i understand and i'm sorry i didn't get a chance to tell him about [capboy].

CS had the audacity to crap me out when meanwhile how did i find out about office floozy ??? i saw a picture of her in his bed while he had just slept with me in my bed. nice. he then waited for me to introduce myself to office floozy and he still tells me i'm in the wrong. what a pathetic, cowardly little fucker. i cannot believed how much time i wasted pining over him this ENTIRE year!!! fuck.

but speaking of capboy.... *sigh* he is wonderful. he is amazing. its going so well between us that i feel like i'm dreaming!! i honestly thought that i would never fall in love again after CS ripped my heart out and tore it to shreds but methinks i have and it. is. wonderful!!!

right then, now i must get back to my thesis. i will try right a bit more regularly but i can't promise it will be THAT regular until i finish exams in November...

*so happy right now*

updating

so heres an update on my life:

5x7: i'm too scared to climb on the scale to see if i've lost those pesky 5 kgs but i can tell that if anything, i've maintained my usual weight which means trying to get into my dress for my formal on friday is gonna be very very amusing...lots of huffing and puffing and sucking my tummy in for the entire night!!!!!

capboy: its going very very very very very well so far! he is so lovely...it feels so natural and comfortable between us! he met by CS this weekend - its wasn't planned but we ran into him. CS nearly ran away from us and then SMSed me apologising for leaving so soon but it was because he wasn't expecting to see 'that'...his loss! but apart from that capboy and myself are going from strength to strength - never thought this would happen to me again but it has and i am so bloody excited and happy but also shit scared of getting hurt again but i suppose thats life??

thesis: i started writing my thesis this weekend......i finished the introduction and the first little section and i just emailed it to my supervisor now. i really really hope i don't have to do any major rewrites on any of my sections but i will just have to wait and see. i hope she is astounded by my literary geniusness!! haha!

so yes, thats really all thats going on with me at the moment but i'm damn happy about all of it....except for the 5X7 but i'll deal with that after my exams - i will hit the gym twice a day if need be!!

if you see a girl walking around with a big dorky grin on her face, its more than likely me because i am in a really happy place at the moment and it feels great!!!!

words are not enough

so much for taking things slowly...i woke up on saturday morning next to my boyfriend, capboy. yes boyfriend. i panicked because i was not expecting this at all. i kept my cool though and it was very comfortable between us the whole day. on sunday i went to a mutual friend's braai and i chatted to capboy about taking things slowly because of how much i got hurt in my previous relationship with CS. he agreed - he said he wants things to go slowly because of how much he likes me....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he said he has liked me since the first time we met...

we're in a somewhat unconventional relationship - we barely know each other and have only met a couple of times...i mentioned this to him and he said that the reason he asked me "the whole boyfriend/girlfriend question" was because he didn't want to lose me and he knows a good thing when he sees one. one of my best friends has been dating his friend for about four years and she only has great things to say about him and all my friends who have met him think he is awesome!

i think he is awesome...

he's intelligent. he's got a good sense of humour. he's fun. he's gorgeous...and he seems really into me which, i think is the most important thing. i'm very happy right now and very excited!!! :)

just gonna take it slowly and enjoy the time i spend with him but as nerdy as this sounds: work will come first until the end of my exams...

hold thumbs for me!!

new boy...toy

so...i've kinda met someone. nothing serious. nothing very serious at all. just someone who makes me laugh and sees me in what i think is a beautiful light.

we've contacted an average amount this week - we met two weeks ago and kissed last weekend - and he did ask a friend for my number seeing as i can be a bit blonde when it comes to that kind of stuff and forgot to give it to him.

i'm a bit nervous seeing as it wasn't that long ago that i was still getting over CS but i have come to this conclusion:
I am over CS but he is not over me and has not let me go and that is why when he sees me he continously tells me he loves me and misses me etc etc etc. that is why i get sucked backed into his vicious circle of 'are we, aren't we'...but no more. i will obviously see him because we run in the same social circles but i will NOT let him stuff me up for the umpteenth time!!!!!!!!!

anyways, i will take this very slowly with this new boy and not expect anything except fun, fun and then some more fun. i shall call him capboy seeing as whenever i have seen him he is undoubtedly wearing a cap...granted it was during the day at braais otherwise i would have to have words because i don't see the point in wearing hats at night but hey, that is just me and my lack of 'trend sense'!

i am hopefully seeing him this weekend and then i can see if i am really excited about him or just excited by the prospect of actually meeting someone...if you know what i mean?

wish me luck...i must behave this weekend!! haha!

whore-ny....

i seem to be returning to my post-adolescent phase of rebellion...and its not good. not good at all.

every weekend, for the past month or so, i have gotten horribly drunk and either a) scored a friend/unknown male, b) scored two unknown individuals c) and i think this one is the worst: i slept with a friend...so yes, i hang my head in shame.

now i don't want all of you thinking that i am slut because really, i am not. this behaviour is worse than what i was like a few years back because at least then i had the excuse of mistaking love for sex but now, oh now i know that the two can only be interrelated if you're in a loving relationship (hmmm, maybe sleeping with a friend does count then) but i honestly don't know what is going on with me now and why my behaviour is getting out of hand...

maybe i am just extremely, extremely horny and need sex (no, a vibrator just does not do it for me) and i am finding it in a both safe and dangerous place - having sex with a friend is safe because you know them but its dangerous because it can ruin a friendship. so far, i have not seemed to have ruined a friendship but maybe i should just lock myself away for a while...???

so really, what i really want to know is how many men can a woman sleep with until she is deemed a slut? and i don't want any sexist or chauvinist remarks please....

just asking so that i can either tone down my numbers or pretend to be a virgin.

throwing name....

i am a firm believer than in order to get back on the rails of life, one needs to go off the rails first
and that is what i seem to be doing....

take last weekend for example: it was me and about five guys (from my hockey club). we were all horrendously drunk and the boys were comparing chest muscles and whatnot - they then decided that it was only fair if i joined in the competition...topless. i may have objected the first couple of beggings but then gave in and proceeded to show these boys my chest. however, that was tame in comparison to what i did next (with their beggings and encouragements) - i took off my bra and allowed these men to ogle at my bare breasts. yes, my bare breats. five guys who i know very well and who know my ex even better.

it gets worse: my bra and top were back on but these boys found out about my recent classes in the art of lap-dancing. yes, i gave the one boy a lap dance and then threw my top off.

it gets worse: i then, later on with lots more booze in me, give another boy a lap dance (the shy, quiet one of the lot) and my chest must be about 5 inches away from his face and i whipped off my bra...i think his eyes nearly fell out of their sockets!!!!! it was hilarious!

now take saturday night into consideration of my going off the rails: my friend (girl) who i ahve kissed many times before came up to me and asked if she could kiss me again - granted we could both barely say our names correctly at this point in the evening - because she has been wanting to do so for such a long time...so we kissed in the bathroom and then she drops the bombshell: do i want to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend??????!!!!!!

her boyfriend was keen as hell when she asked him in front of me - of course he would be, who wouldn't? but honestly, i wouldn't go there with one of my best friends as who knows how nasty it could actually turn out...i gracefully declined by going home. alone. to an empty bed with delusions of grandeur of a night that was so full of promises. *sigh*

so yes, that is what i have been up to a part from writing a 24 page essay and trying to get started on my 50 page thesis which is due for the END OF OCTOBER - not the end of november which i though! fuck!

so on that note, best i get back to my research....